The process of self-healing requires accepting every part of oneself. This doesn't mean it will all be good characteristics. You may find there are parts of who you are you would like to and can change such as working out more, finding more time for friends and family, being more patient or less angry, finding more time for yourself, and the list goes on. You may also find there are parts of yourself that cannot be changed and must be acknowledged and accepted for continued healing. Depression is a part of who you are. Yes, there are absolutely ways to successfully manage depression, but the reality is birth gave you something in your brain depressing the release of needed neurotransmitters necessary for experiencing emotions the "normal" way.
The mental health world will commonly compare mental illness to diabetes. Why do you think that is? Both are medical conditions obtained through genetics and there is nothing you can do about it. You can monitor, manage and minimize symptoms of both with proper treatment, but neither has a cure. In one the body does not process sugar correctly, in the other it does not process neurotransmitters correctly. Both require lifestyle changes, knowledge of the illness, treatment based on a need for stabilization in a very unstable world, acceptance of the disease and support through episodes of crisis. One, however, is looked at and easily accommodated for while the other is considered "your problem." If a diabetic misses lunch, works late and then falls to the floor seizing we rush to them and call an ambulance. If a person with depression has worked three midnights and is stuck on a double and collapses with an anxiety attack they are often told to "take a minute and get it together." Is the second issue any less real or dangerous? Dopamine helps regulate the release of insulin from your pancreas so in theory a severely depressed person is now in jeopardy of both medical emergencies.
You have depression. If a diabetic continues to ignore their disease, they will eventually die from it, and so will you. You will have to make changes in your life if you want to heal from this. You have to manage your health and lifestyle. You will have to eliminate things that are bad for you and replace them with healthier choices. You will have to learn your body and understand what is happening in it. You will have to educate those around you about your issues and how to support you in it. You will need to know how to catch symptoms of crisis early and have a plan or support when those signs have been missed. And you have to accept that this is a part of you for your whole life.
This reality does not have to be a weakness. You owe nothing to this world but truth. Truth in who you are, what you are capable of, and what you need from it. There is no one way to think, or feel, or live. There is only you and the choices you make in this world. Accepting every part of yourself is owning who you are and that is a powerful tool.
I don't do well with forced, fake emotion. I'm barely capable of controlling my real emotions, faking them is not something I have the energy or desire to even attempt to focus on. I know that about myself. I own that about myself. I accept that it presents to others as though I'm cold and unfeeling. But let's face the truth, from their perspective, how they experience emotion to be for them, they are right. A lack of my emotions presents no harm to the other person than their uncomfortable feelings. To those people I say, "Deal with it, or don't. They're my emotions and it isn't about you." and I leave it at that. I'm not responsible for any more than this. I spent 20 years uncomfortable, worrying about "my issues" and learning I was weak trying to fight this part of who I was. Now I realize it's just my brain's way of telling me when I have surrounded myself in my own negativity and I need to fight my way back out.
Whoever you are going to become in this world will be defined only by your ability to remain true to yourself. If you cannot accept who you are, every journey will end in brokenness. Turning away from one's true self is the only way one can truly fail.
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